Millennials categorize Sunday as Sunday fun day. A day for brunch and turn up. Some categorize Sunday as the day of rest and indulging in Lifetime movies. I categorize Sunday as the day of worship, preparing meals and cleaning. My husband is in the truck industry, so I make sure that his meals are prepped for the week. I make sure that we go into the new week with a clean home and clean clothes. There have been many instances that I have dreaded Sundays. My mindset would be, “Ugh, I have to prep, do laundry, clean the house, blah blah”. Last Sunday I felt this more than ever. I felt pressure. My heart started to beat profusely. I could barely breathe. I told myself, "you need to get all of this done by the afternoon". I did not realize that I was applying pressure on myself. As I pondered on all that I had to accomplish, I found myself having a mild anxiety attack. Before I met my husband, I was single for years. I took care of myself and I called the shots. Getting married was and is an adjustment. Blending two upbringings, needs and expectations is hard. My husband is what I consider as a manly man. He is a provider, strong and takes care of the home. His expectation is that he fulfills his role as the man, and I fulfill the role of being a wife. In a sense, this means giving up some of the independence that I held onto for so long; being single, independent and educated. Submitting was something I would laugh at in my single days. This Sunday was no different from other Sundays. For some reason, I was extremely overwhelmed. After I did all that I had to do, I sat on the couch in anger. I was angry and I do not know why. When my husband sat next to me, I looked at him enraged. How dare he sit next to me after I worked so hard? How dare he look at me after I spent hours prepping and cleaning. This may sound crazy, but this is how I felt. Where did this anger come from? I have no idea. After he said a few words to me I let him have it. I projected my frustration towards him. Instantly, he began to pour into me like he always does. He reminded that when I feel overwhelmed or defeated, God is here. He also reminded me that we are a team and are in this together. Whatever I do not accomplish he will. In this moment I fully understood the meaning of partnership. As an independent woman, asking for help is foreign. From time to time I find myself thinking like the single me rather than the married me. I am no longer in this alone. Here I was thinking that it was all on me, trying to be the good wife. We are a union and a team. I thought about it and tears started to flow down my face. When I look back on how I felt that morning, as soon as I started to feel my heart beating fast and shortness of breath, I should have called on the name of the Lord. I recounted my steps that morning and understood that some of the pressure and overwhelmingness that I felt, I caused. My profession has enabled me to view everything as tasks, and I strategize how to accomplish and complete them. I started to view home life as a task and this is where I went wrong. Taking care of my home and my husband is not a task. It must be done and will be done. After my conversation with my husband and reading a scripture, I felt better and refreshed. A scripture that helped me this day is Psalms 55:22, “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved”. As women we tend to apply pressure on ourselves to uphold a perception of being strong. We place this on ourselves. Ladies we are strong, even when we need help. I hope this post will help anyone that is feeling pressure or overwhelmed. You are not alone, and God is with you!
-Peace, Love, Blessings

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